I just finished reading Whoopi Goldberg’s latest book, If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! This is a book of common sense. But as life has taught many of us, common sense isn’t always common.
The title of the book comes from the classic line in Jerry Maguire. You remember the moment. It was sweet, endearing, and tugged at your heartstrings — but it was a movie. One of the main points Whoopi repeatedly stresses is that life is not like the movies. We’ve gotten caught up in all the media hype that tells us how life should be, and it just isn’t realistic. That’s why so many people end up disappointed — or single.
There’s no romantic music playing as you walk arm in arm down the street falling in love. There are no flowers and love notes every day. No champagne and candlelit baths every night. Movies don’t deal with real life. After the newness wears off, he leaves his clothes on the floor expecting you to pick them up, or she walks in and uses the bathroom while you’re brushing your teeth. The everyday realities of relationships never seem to make it into the script.
We’ve been inundated with images of perfect love, and nothing in life is perfect — especially not love. People can make it work, but it takes effort. Don’t buy into the Cinderella story.
Whoopi on Self-Esteem
In short: get some. Get to know yourself. Develop yourself. Never stop improving yourself. You have to go into a relationship as a whole person. No one should have the responsibility of completing you or babysitting you. If your entire self-worth is wrapped up in a relationship, what happens if the relationship ends? That can be a very dangerous place to be. Figure out what you like, what you’re passionate about, and what you will and won’t accept. Draw your line in the sand and stick to it.
Whoopi on Relationships
Be honest with yourself and determine whether you really want to be in one. Maybe everyone isn’t meant to be married. If you are married or in a committed relationship, maybe it isn’t meant to last a lifetime.
Sometimes you’re with a person and it’s only meant to last three months. Sometimes you’re with someone for 25 years, raise wonderful kids, and then you’re done. Know when to say when. Sometimes relationships simply run their course.
We are often told to make a checklist of what we want in a mate, and that’s a great thing to do. But all the things on your checklist that you want your mate to be — you’d better measure up to them too.
Whoopi on Affairs
To sum this up, Whoopi quotes Oscar Wilde: “A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.”
The relationship may be blissful for a time, but in the end it can be a long, lonely road — and no one will be on your side. If he does leave his wife for you, which is rare, it often doesn’t last once real life sets in. You have to keep doing all the things you did to be the sexy side piece, while also picking his clothes up off the floor, cooking, and doing laundry. That can get exhausting, especially if the rendezvous were built on fantasy rather than reality.
And then there’s the ex-wife and kids who may hate you because they see you as the person who wrecked their family. On top of that, one truth always lingers in the air: if he cheated with you, he’ll likely cheat on you. Don’t be the side piece. History and statistics are not on your side.
Whoopi on Raising Kids
Don’t be their friend. You have to make tough decisions and guide them. They won’t always like you — get over it. Kids learn how to behave, and who to become, by watching you. If you don’t want to raise an asshole, don’t be one.
Whoopi on Dating Someone with Kids
You’re going to have to accept that you may never be number one in your partner’s life. Either accept that and move forward, or reject it and move on — but don’t expect it to change.
Whoopi on Marriage
- Communicate
- Compromise
- If you marry for money, be prepared to give up everything for money
- GET THE DAMN PRENUP! {my favorite}
Overall, I really loved this book. Whoopi understands that her philosophy isn’t for everyone, but she offers a different perspective and hopes to stop someone from making the same mistakes she’s made. At the very least, the book encourages you to think outside the box and create a life that works for you — even if it doesn’t mirror society’s standards.
This was a very quick read. A lot of it was common-sense advice, but there were also some interesting snippets that offered a glimpse into how other people manage love, life, and relationships — including references like Primates of Park Avenue — that were eye-opening.
All in all, this book was a nice reminder that it’s okay to be different, and it’s okay to be single.
⭐️ Rating: 3.75/5
📚 Quick, insightful, and definitely worth the read