Whoopi Goldberg’s Relationship Tips

    I just finished reading Whoopi Goldberg’s latest book – If Someone Says “you complete me,” RUN! This is a book of common sense. But as life has taught many of us – common sense isn’t common.

    The title of the book stems from the classic line in Jerry McGuire. You remember the moment. It was sweet, endearing, it tugged at your heartstrings — but it’s a movie. One of the main points that Whoopi repeatedly stresses is that life is not like the movies. We’ve gotten caught up in all the media hype that tells us how life should be and it’s just not realistic; that’s why soo many people wind up disappointed, or single. There’s no romantic music playing as you walk arm in arm down the street falling in love. There’s no flowers and love notes every day. There’s no champagne and candlelit baths every night. The movies don’t deal with real life. After the newness wears off, he leaves his clothes on the floor that he expects you to pick up, or she comes in and takes a dump while you’re brushing your teeth. The day to day stuff that really happens never seems to get addressed in movies. We’ve been inundated with images of perfect love, and NOTHING in life is perfect, ESPECIALLY not love. People make it work, but it does take a lot of work. Don’t buy into the Cinderella story.

    Whoopi on Self Esteem
    In short – get some. Get to know yourself. Develop yourself. Never stop improving yourself. You have to go into a relationship as a whole person. No one should have the responsibility of completing you, or babysitting you. If your entire self worth is wrapped up in a relationship, what happens if the relationship ends?? That can be a very dangerous place. Figure out what you like to do, what you are passionate about, what you will and won’t accept. Draw your line in the sand and stick to it.

    Whoopi on Relationships
    Be honest with yourself and determine whether or not you really want to be in one. Maybe everyone isn’t meant to be married. If you are married or in a committed relationship, maybe it’s not meant to last a lifetime.

    Sometimes you are with a person and it’s only meant to last three months. Sometimes you’re with someone for 25 years, raise wonderful kids, and then you’re done. Know when to say when – sometimes relationships just run their course.

    We are often told to make a checklist of what we want in a mate, and that’s a great thing to do. But all the things on your checklist that you want your mate to be – you better equal them.

    Whoopi on Affairs
    To sum this up, Whoopi quotes Oscar Wilde – “A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.”
    The relationship may be blissful for a time, but in the end it’s a long lonely road – and no one will be on your side in the end. If he does leave the wife for you (rare) it often doesn’t last when you are hit with the day to day of a relationship. You have to keep doing all the stuff you did to be the sexy side piece AND you have to pick his clothes up off the floor, cook, and do laundry. That can get exhausting, especially if your rendezvous’s were a facade. AND you have to deal with an ex-wife and kids who hate you because you wrecked their family. AND the reality of the situation is always looming in the air – if he cheated with you, he will certainly cheat on you. Don’t be the side piece. History and numbers aren’t on your side.

    Whoopi on Raising Kids 
    Don’t be their friend. You have to make tough decisions and guide them. They won’t always like you, get over it. Kids learn how and who to be by watching you. If you don’t want to raise an asshole, don’t be one.

    Whoopi on Dating Someone with Kids
    You’re going to have to live with the fact that you will never be #1 in your partners’ life. Either accept that and move forward, or reject it and move on, but don’t think it will change.

    Whoopi on Marriage

    • Communicate
    • Compromise
    • If you marry for money, be prepared to give up everything for money
    • GET THE DAMN PRENUP! {my favorite}

    Overall I really loved this book. She understands that her philosophy isn’t for everyone, but sets out to offer a different approach and hopefully stop someone from making the same mistakes she’s made. At the very least, it makes you think outside the box to create a life that works for you – even if that doesn’t mirror society’s standards.

    This book was a really quick read. A lot of it was common sense advice. However, there were quite a few snippets that offered a glimpse into how other people manage love, life, and relationships (Primates of Park Avenue) that were eye opening. All-in-All this book was a nice reminder that it’s ok to be different, and it’s ok to be single. I’d give it 3.25 stars. And I highly recommend it.

      About Nadia Gilkes

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